hunting out my business

Evening folks - sorry it has been some time since my last blog.
First things first - Title explanation: I've been following a CF's mobility blog and he comes out with some absolute corker sayings, me and the bf have been having fun quoting him.
Things have not gone so great for me since my last blog. Work persisted in their corporate policy and refused my suggestion so I have replied to say I am out of possible solutions to aid my remaining in my career with them, as I simply cannot afford to live and they won't help me or let me help myself. I've said I'll stay here (L'town) and finish the course but will not enrol onto their degree course and waste their money, unless they had a solution for me. If they didn't, I said I would understand if they felt they had to let me go. It really saddens me that's how my 2nd real job from education has fallen - they say god helps those who help themselves - if that's the case there's no deities in HR. Either way, I cannot hang about hoping some self-inflated concept of ultimate power, or God for that matter, to help me out; in the interim I have been job hunting and applying for anything I could practically do, for money I could practically live on: it's a short term view but my long-term planning hasn't been working out so good. You're just going to have to sweat this one out with me, I'm afraid: work haven't replied in 2 days since I challenged them to fire me for breaching my terms of employment (in legal jargon) - I can't imagine what the hold up is but it's torturing me nevertheless (perhaps that's the goal). I'll let you know after I pick myself up again how it all unfolds.
In other news, I have been having riding lessons (you might've noticed) and I can't stop now: I have so much time to catch up on, so many stirrup-less trots to endure to get my seat back again. The hunger for an equine-child is as strong as it was when I was 10, writing "Christmas List. A Horse. Thank you Santa", which is undoubtedly making the bf nervous.
Taking the short-term view on life, which is so unnatural to me, I am excited and nervous for HALLOW'EEN (or old hallow's eve, if you will) tomorrow night (it's not technically tomorrow night, but that's when we're venturing to the mighty K in our finest). I know for a fact I am not the only person this bothers, but isn't it just infuriating how Hallow'een and Bonfire Night - two of the greatest annual events of the year, are overlooked for possibly one of the most depressing, miserable, grim, gravy-soaked holidays (whom I shall not utter the name of until December)? Anyway, why the nerves you say? I am an ambitious and somewhat wreckless character by nature, call it a rebellion against my otherwise saffy-like personality, and I unwisely endeavoured to do an amazing costume without thoroughly thinking through the difficulties and, well frankly - exposure. I've decided to go as Mystique of X-Men fame. If you don't know, google/bing/search engine of your choice. I will put up a photo when I get one - I imagine something absolutely horrendous will happen and I'll end up exposed to a whole nightclub of happy rockers, but every blue liquid latex outfit has a silver lining - at least it'll make good blogging material.

What are you going out in on all hallow's eve when the veil between the living and the dead is at its most finest?

I'm not homosexual, but...

What I meant to say was homophobic.
So how are we all in October? Enjoying the crisp atmosphere and the promise of Christmas-card scenery or still moaning that the flies have all died on the window sills and that it's not too hot to sleep anymore?
I had a fantastic birthday (see inset of ridiculously hot 27 year old - I've decided to use my age as a way of making my appearance even better: "wow - you look great! you're really 27?" as opposed to "you're only 27? oh, gosh"). A lot more people came than I thought would and there was the added bonus that everyone seemed to get on really well even though noone knew each other :) epic success all round. I danced until my feet throbbed, which is always a sign of a good night.
After the brief, fleeting moment of enjoyment my life remembered itself, readjusted, and became hell again.
In a nutshell (admittedly a big one, like a conker...conkers are nuts, right?) gossip at work happened again and it really acted as the straw on a camel's back. I spoke to my mentor at work and had an offer to lay into the culprit royally, but I chose to do it myself (I quite enjoy assault). Ontop of that, my finances are looking sicker and sicker by the month. We're going to ask for help again from work, but they're making redundancies and they didn't help much last time so I don't fancy my chances: I applied for a new job yesterday too and made a genuine effort in the application, despite it breaking my heart to consider giving up my career I love so much. I'll keep you posted. I just really hate when things get to a point where you can't do anything to help yourself.
In other news, I have hastily compiled an army of vitamin-armoured white blood cells and dispatched them in their droves to fight a rebel coup of viruses. At the moment my troups are well fed and are packing so the odds are on them winning, although currently they have some leg work to go. Until then, as their general, I feel it is vital that I get my beauty sleep so that I look good when it comes to chiselling my statue when we have victory.
Signing out...x

the one in which I have 5 kids...

If you're a regular reader, you'll remember the one in which I aged 10 years in 30 minutes and you'll see where this blog is going.
I don't know why I seem to be getting strangers saying these things to me, apart from that they must genuinely believe that's who I am. I am going to puzzle, and let's face it - obsess, about these snap judgements for a long time.
Today I spent a good 30 minutes in a large popular supermarket, buying lots of treats to make buns and things to take to work (if it's your birthday the cakes are on you - mine isn't until Wednesday, but the guys aren't in then so I'm taking them tomorrow). I went to the bakery section and thought I'd order a few bits just in case my cornflake and rice cake chocolate bun things went horribly wrong (read that: accidentally eaten). I ordered 5 gingerbread biscuit things and a brownie for the bf - the baker said "any colours?" and I said "yeah, doesn't matter" and he replied "you sure? there won't be fights at the other end? at least you get the brownie"
HE THOUGHT I HAD 5 KIDS AND NEEDED A BROWNIE TO GET THROUGH THE DAY.
The nearest thing I have to mothering anything is when I walk the bf's parent's friend's dog (see inset - Me and Molly). I don't know why I look 30-something, married and with 5 kids; maybe it's all the healthy exercise, good diet and avoiding alcohol and smoking that ages me horribly. Maybe the 40-odd core reps I did last night made me look like I'd had 5 kids or the 90-something weighted squats I did tonight made my ass look like I had a brownie a day.
There really is no hope - if you're early twenties or younger, reading this and thinking 30 is miles away! I am always going to look young - I won't look old and wrinkly until my 50's - YOU'RE WRONG.
I am going to smart about this for a long time :/

Sky

So I didn't win the Euromillions jackpot yesterday; no-one did, which was a bit annoying because when it's that much money a rollover is just stupid: it's more money than any one person could ever need or spend.
Fortunately for me, this little grey mare made me feel today like I'd won the lottery. Meet Sky, a pretty grey mare with numb sides and who can pull a disgusted face better than my mum. Our instructor thought we were well suited and I got my first positive feedback when she said today was the best she'd seen Sky go :)
I did have a couple of painful moments today; one when taking my stirrups away, I rolled my leg back and felt my hip sublux and realised that it has done that many times before when I rode my mare and I'd just thought everyone got that. Hell, maybe they do.
The other painful moment came driving in tandem to tescos with the bf to get food for tea and petrol in our cars (no, not the difficulty in driving when your knees won't go together after riding without stirrups); I had a brief and sad little cry for the memory of my beautiful mare.
It was still a brilliant hour, riding Sky though :) and I am proud I rode her well :) It's all coming back to me - every last thing.

Let's play "If I won the lottery"!

Hi guys. I hope you've had a good week so far and have something lined up over the weekend that'll make you smile. Today I heard at work that the Euromillions* is £82,000,000.00 tonight. That's all the encouragement I need to spend a pound on a ticket and I bet I'm not the only one.
So driving home I was daydreaming about what I'd do with the £82M. Here's what came to mind...
> The first thing I'd do is book a first class ticket to Australia for my mum. Then I'd call her and tell her to quit her job and pack her bags. My mum has a close relative in Aus that she really needs to be with and I would want to help as soon as possible.
> The second thing I'd do is advertise for a live-in carer for my sister - I imagined interviewing them and they'd be a young friendly woman that my sis really liked. Then I'd work with the sis to find the perfect house wherever she wanted to live and we'd do the whole place over to make it super well suited to her every whim. I'd get a car that suited her and the carer could take her to appointments. She'd have an art studio and anything she needed medically. We'd work together to get her some stuff to make her life much rosier, and some treats too - that's where that one gets vague as I'd have to ask her!
> I thought what I'd do for the other sister - but she seems to have everything. Perhaps bank accounts for the nieces? I'd have to ask.
> and finally on to me. What'd I do? Well, I'd not tell anyone for a start. No-one at work; which leads me on to: I'd keep my crappy low-paid high-workload job. I know you don't believe me but I really would - I love my job and the challenge. I'd need to know I could make it on my own still; I'd still need a reason to wake in a morning; I'd not want to become spoilt - I'd still get up at 5.30am to go to Walsall for a 3-hour meeting and spend weeks in dodgy student accommodation in Liverpool.
> There's a plus side to not telling anyone at work - I can buy a stunning f-off mustang and drive it on weekends and carry on in our little Clio at work like a superhero with an alter-ego.
> I'd buy a little house near work (with a big garage) and a bigger house further out into the countryside. I'd stay near work when I was in the office and in the big house on weekends or holidays or whenever.
> which leads me neatly onto my friend - I'd invite Sammy to come and live with me in one of the houses free of charge so she could find a job and save up and we'd have a great time :)
> I'd also pay off all my debts - that'd feel amazing!
> I'd get a horse and 2 jack russells. And a Land Rover Defender for the stables. I'd keep my horse at the stables I ride at now so I could have lessons and work on dressage together.
> I'd be able to shop in All Saints! :D That'd be amazing. And I'd get my hair done more often instead of waiting 6 months, trimming split ends with kitchen scissors because I can't afford to get it cut. And each year I'd plan an amazing holiday somewhere different each time :)

Ah, I love this game. Most of the things I want are for other people - at least, those are my first wants. With £82M I'd barely have enough time to get through everything I'd want to do for everyone. I'd be busy as hell but man alive, I'd enjoy it.

What'd you do if you won?

* http://www.national-lottery.co.uk/player/p/lotterydrawgames/euromillions.ftl