Do I look like a CHUMP?

Today has not been a good day! First I had a huge 4x4 driven by a stoney-faced 50-something man almost bump me off the road by driving well over 50mph through my 30mph village, then I had some stumpy, ugly stocky bitch push in front of me at the supermarket, who said (when I pointed out I was already queing) "I'm sorry, I don't think so". The other day, me and the bf were stood behind a man at a cash point and another man walked up and stood nearby too; then when the first man finished at the cash point, walked in and took our place! As ignorant and arrogant as that! The bf, who is incredibly genteel, just said it was OK: I walked away in fury to another cash point around the corner and said I had to otherwise I'd have started a fight.
There must be something about me that says "this girl is a pushover"; I am not a pushover! I AM NOT A CHUMP! And the next person who is so arrogant, obnoxious and plain selfish is going to find out I am not above punching someone, either! >:\

I think what really gets to me is these ugly (inside and out) people are parading around with a self-inflated ego and obtuse level of self importance, when I am shuffling about apologetically feeling inferior.

If I had my own horse again, I'd trample them all; the photo inset to this angry blog is Froggy a French endurance arab, making me feel just a little empowered again. Thanks, Froggy x

get back on the horse

Not a lot of people know the real origin of that phrase; it isn't too difficult to decipher, but until it's relevant to you literally, you won't really know how good a piece of advice it actually is. You see, when you fall off a horse badly (and badly can mean injured, shocked, traumatised or just surprised but unbruised) it is imperative that the first thing you do is jump right back on again; any hesitation whatsoever can let in fear and doubt. If you jump right back on, it seems to breeze past the realisation of your morality and gets you back to the job at hand. Until you're covered in mud and blood, shaking and gripping stiff leather reins with a fired up animal on the end of them, you just don't know how difficult it is to convince your jelly-like body that the best thing for it is to return to the saddle that evicted it so cruelly. The worst part is the confidence and sensation of safety being on a horse gave you vanishes immediately.
So - why get back on the horse? Why is it so urgent? Because if you don't do it now, when the tears are threatening and your limbs are aching, you never will.
I put down my beautiful, stunning mare almost 4 years ago now and since then I could count the number of times I've ridden on one hand (this coming from someone who has ridden weekly at a bare minimum for 20 years). Losing Buttie was the most painful thing I have had to endure (and that's not to make light of the rest). I rode last weekend on Sunday; the bf has got me a few lessons as a present. I rode the delectable Tosca [see inset] with willing spirit and weak flesh.

It was the single most wonderful thing I have done in 4 years: it was the single most painful thing I've done in 4 years.

As I type, I have to confess, I am biting back tears of recollection. Time doesn't heal pain and loss, it merely allows you to forgive yourself for not mourning it repeatedly. I wish I had had the time and money to continue riding, because every time I do (that handful of times) I remember her and miss her as freshly as the day she died.

So that is why you always get back on the horse; because the longer you leave it the harder it becomes.

sugar is NOT my friend

So a while back I blogged to you about my NO SUGAR CHALLENGE (I feel the need to add a little gravitas to the title) and I managed to keep that up for months and this weekend I fell off the wagon. Hard. The absolute crap it has made me feel like has inspired me to write a little bit about why sugar is so bad and why I should start the NO SUGAR CHALLENGE MONTH again from tomorrow (last time it started as a month and then just carried on; I like this method as indefinitely just seems too much but at the end of a month your eating habits have just changed - it's all psychological). First things first - I forgive myself for munching those sugary treats this weekend; I am considering it a break from sanity and healthy eating!

The thing that I was most asked about, when I mentioned the NO SUGAR CHALLENGE in the blog discussion wall coffee shop thingy, was how do I avoid sugar. Most people, if not all, considered it completely impossible - so let me briefly explain how I avoid sugar.
1) I eat fresh fruit and veg (a bit of a cliche these days) wherever possible
2) I exchange sugary items with no-sugar alternatives (beware of "low fat" anything - usually they're loaded with sugar); my example of this is switching my soya milk for light soya milk, which has no sugar
3) When I have items of processed food, such as cereal, I eat completely sugar free such as rice puffs by rude foods instead of rice krispies.
4) Snacks, which I have between every meal, are usually cashew nuts (just a few) or some fruit (apple, banana, a smoothie - fruit sugars are essential!)
- and a new rule I have added after this weekend -
5) avoid bakeries at all costs

Motivation for why it's a good idea to cut out processed sugars can be found in all the reasons why sugar is bad for you...

1) Sugar is calories - fat in the human body is laid down from sugar intake, and not from fat intake.
2) Sugar in any quantity alters your blood sugar levels and causes your glands to work overtime to balance this out; sugar highs inevitably lead to sugar lows; these lows make you feel hungry when you're not and, in the case of me this weekend, cause you to visibly shake!
3) Sugar is addictive; once I've munched a little bit I have to have more. I don't know any other food that has that effect on me.
4) There are a wide variety of sweeteners in foods these days, none of which am I using as alternatives to sugar - sweeteners such as Aspertame (originally labelled as a poison until someone noticed how sweet it tasted) are hideously bad for you! (online search it).
5) The human body's urge for sugar comes from the necessity for Vitamin C; fruits have known this for a long time which is why they have lovely natural sugars to attract us to eating them. Our sweet tooth is really a craving for vitamins!
6) I have already gone without sugar for a few months and felt amazing. My energy levels were balanced and my diet was healthier. My body became leaner and my sometimes tetchy stomach was much happier.

I think those are pretty good reasons to try the NO SUGAR CHALLENGE for a month. Roll on tomorrow, I know I can do this again! :)

meet Babs

So I've been writing this blog for a few months now and the last couple of blogs have been a little aimless and random - which has kind of been where my head has been at but in my recent revamp of the blog (what do you think?) and creation of a new blog (http://bricksandheels.blogspot.com) I've been inspired again on a couple of topics for this page - my online diary.

Today's blog is about BABS. Babs, as you can see from this photo of her at my 2nd graduation (1 more to come and then I'm DONE, I swear) is one classy lady. She's my mum, and she is such a brilliant character. I am currently staying at her flat in the southeast for a couple of days for a recluse and to fill her fridge for her return.
She wasn't the textbook supernannyesque type mother (I remember her saying to us when I was about 5, in a put-on 'Queen's English' accent, "In the words of Elizabeth Taylor, Bugger Orf") and she never did have the most patience (My sister Emma once refused to eat her sandwich and Babs stabbed her finger into it on every syllable of "you-will-eat-this-bloody-sandwich" and then burst out laughing when Emma relied, in a deadpan tone: "well I'm not eating it now"
But she's done some above-and-beyond things for us girls. She's wicked, dry, hilarious, so sarcastic most southerners read it as just bitter, generous, loving, strong,...but the thing that strikes me so much about her is she's human.
I love Babs, almost as much as Joe does (http://mastdebater87.blogspot.com).

I want more strings

There's a few things I really wish I could do and I think if I list them here I might actually start working towards them: playing guitar ~ play piano ~ knit ~ sew ~ get onto pointe in ballet ~ draw again ~ some kind of yoga-stretching-relaxing thing :)

Frankie says R.E.L.A.X

The photo today is of me and Orah - because I think me and this beautiful dog have something in common (sadly not looks or physique!) - we are both quite outwardly calm looking but dealing with tension in self-destructive ways. Orah is a rescue dog my sister has bravely taken on alongside her young family, and she licks patches of her fur off when left alone. This physical manifestation is an indicator of her inner stress and discomfort. Hopefully she will settle into a loving and structured family unit with my sister's family and this will gradually stop (that, or my sister's smearing disgusting-tasting antibacterial cream on the patches will do it!).
My problems are not so easy - or maybe they are. I am on the look out for stress-beating techniques. The amazing bf is planning on clearing out the roof room as a stress-free zone for me to escape to: I've asked for a yoga matt to meditate (who am I kidding - I might do stretches though). I'm not sure what I am going to do, really - I am popping to mum's tomorrow night after work to spend a day relaxing and maybe working out/seeing my nieces (and possibly Orah too). Then it's back to Bristol to spend Saturday walking 3 gruffs on the beach for our 2 year anniversary. Hopefully those things will help me calm down. The only reason I am looking for ways to relax and calm down because I went to the Dr's again today with my battle with my stomach and she took one look at me and said:

"you need to calm down"

BRISTOL, England

I was driving through Bristol today and it struck me, not for the first time, how much I utterly love Bristol. Here's my list of things I love about Bristol: blue and pink stripes ~ the downs ~ graffiti on Georgian houses ~ water views ~ SS Great Britain ~ toffs ~ fluffy swept over hair ~ pajama-like pants ~ banksy ~ hills ~ university life ~ clifton life ~ POD ~ the Grange ~ Audis ~ Ferraris ~ bars ~ Rahs ~ runners ~ borders...ah, smiles...