get back on the horse

Not a lot of people know the real origin of that phrase; it isn't too difficult to decipher, but until it's relevant to you literally, you won't really know how good a piece of advice it actually is. You see, when you fall off a horse badly (and badly can mean injured, shocked, traumatised or just surprised but unbruised) it is imperative that the first thing you do is jump right back on again; any hesitation whatsoever can let in fear and doubt. If you jump right back on, it seems to breeze past the realisation of your morality and gets you back to the job at hand. Until you're covered in mud and blood, shaking and gripping stiff leather reins with a fired up animal on the end of them, you just don't know how difficult it is to convince your jelly-like body that the best thing for it is to return to the saddle that evicted it so cruelly. The worst part is the confidence and sensation of safety being on a horse gave you vanishes immediately.
So - why get back on the horse? Why is it so urgent? Because if you don't do it now, when the tears are threatening and your limbs are aching, you never will.
I put down my beautiful, stunning mare almost 4 years ago now and since then I could count the number of times I've ridden on one hand (this coming from someone who has ridden weekly at a bare minimum for 20 years). Losing Buttie was the most painful thing I have had to endure (and that's not to make light of the rest). I rode last weekend on Sunday; the bf has got me a few lessons as a present. I rode the delectable Tosca [see inset] with willing spirit and weak flesh.

It was the single most wonderful thing I have done in 4 years: it was the single most painful thing I've done in 4 years.

As I type, I have to confess, I am biting back tears of recollection. Time doesn't heal pain and loss, it merely allows you to forgive yourself for not mourning it repeatedly. I wish I had had the time and money to continue riding, because every time I do (that handful of times) I remember her and miss her as freshly as the day she died.

So that is why you always get back on the horse; because the longer you leave it the harder it becomes.