supermare

It is just pure coincidence that this photo and the previous blog's photo is very similar - but I thought it might bridge the gap (and what a gap) between posts :)
Yesterday I had a day off work and cycled a 30-mile round trip to Weston-Super-Mare to relax and enjoy the sunny weather :) I met this beautiful old woman walking her dog Milo too - I'll never forget her; we talked for 2 hours and strolled on the beach throwing stones for Milo to fetch.
Anyway - quick update and then I'll sign off - I am still working temp, although they put a business case forward to take me on permanently last week. In other news my old boss has headhunted me for himself and his friend in Scotland. I am getting the old familiar itch to up and go on an adventure, which makes the bf really sad. I'll see what comes of it. I need to chat about the possibilities if this job won't take me on permanently...oh! and I'm a month and a half into my post-grad :) Lots going on, I'll write here again soon. x

SNO businesslike SNO businessthere's SNO businessIknow!

Hey bloggerati
It's been some serious time since my last blog and, as you can imagine, lots has happened but I don't want to re-live it here(because it wasn't always the best fun!) and bore you all senseless so I will bullet point it for you to get you upto date:

* Quit my job
* Got new (temp) job within a week
* Old job tried to screw me over several times
* That should all be settled by next week and I am RELIEVED I'm out now
(it's like when you split with someone and then question if you did the right thing then they flip out and go mental and suddenly there's no doubt anymore)
* I've had a chest infection and ear infection simultaneously and only took 1 day off exercise (I know I have a problem)
* I was proposed to 8 times at the new work's Christmas do by a hammered guy who had just been made redundant, much to the amusement of the others
* I've not been able to get to see my family this Christmas break due to the white stuff (snow, not my lactose intolerance)
* Last ballet of the year involved joining with the advanced class and it was A-MAZING
* I have had a short series of riding lessons with a new teacher who is incredibly good and abusing me loudly until I ride like a pro

That about covers it; some good, some bad, some appeared bad and turned out to be good.

The current day theme running through my life, and a sentence I've said three times just today is: IF THIS JOB GOES PERMANENT I'M GOING TO... [and now here's a list of my future plans should this job turn permanent like I hope]:

* start the post-grad in surveying at the College of Estate Management in September (2 and a half years until Chartered Surveyor status!)
* move the hell out and back to the northern side of town! :D shared house = new friends = exciting new things
* start ballet 2 times a week (Thursday class is so much more brutal)
* start a yoga class to supplement the yoga I do at home
* visit home again
* visit Liverpool and stay in a nice hotel for the weekend and party with Andy and Chris and anyone else about!
* have a weekend with my mum in Bath (the place, not just in the bath; it'd be weird and cramped and besides, it'd get cold pretty quickly. I can see it now; paramedics trying to wedge us both out of the tub with crowbars...)- she suggested it the other day so we can spend some time together and I'd really love to be able to afford it plus we could go to the Thermae Bath Spa and bubble around in the hot water on the roof looking over the beautiful city :)

...so much I want to do :) I hope my new job pulls through and gets me on board permanently as I really do want a contract - I want a pension, some job security, a SALARY and to be working towards something :)

running is more boring than watching paint dry

don't get me wrong; I'm a runner, but you have to admit at least with paint you can see a change. I am just miserable because I had to run today and it was a bit grim (although I ran fine) because I later became quite ill with a virus.
Anyway! I digress! So much has happened since my last, albeit boring, blog! I quit my job under the pressure of the meeting I mentioned and left immediately; that really affected me as I didn't get to say goodbye to people I had worked with for 15 months and really adored, although I've since emailed to say my goodbyes.
I did let myself have that night to feel really, epically sorry for myself but then after then I've been super-motivated; the result of which is I've managed to get a temp job doing the same role for the money I wanted from the original place AND they're getting a permanent position lined up and if they like me I will be in a great place to earn it :)
Watch this space!
[photo of me in the awful wind and rain taking the dogs out on day 1 of unemployment!]

life is currently utter crap

Apologies in advance that this isn't the happy-go-lucky blog it really should be; I've lessened the blow with this rather epic photo of Dewy, one of our finches, flying about the avairy and looking very impressive. He's a lightback zebra finch.
So yeah, life's crap. I went to the GP today and she's sending me to a caridologist because that weird thing my heart did last week, well, apparently that sounds pretty serious.
In addition to the stress-related heart complaint, I have a rather badly-timed meeting with HR tomorrow at work; this has come after my most recent email where I said if they're looking to find a solution then I'll meet, but otherwise don't waste our time and give me my P45 (I actuallt wrote that; I must've been drunk, only I don't drink...)Perhaps I should keep an eye on my heart tomorrow :/
There is a silver lining though, or a little ray of sunshine if you will; I rode the most amazing mare ever on the weekend. She was so brilliant. I am completely in love... <3 sigh...

Hallow'een Epic Win

Hello everyone :) I hope you all had a brilliant Hallow'een and Bonfire Night and all your prospective animals have recovered from the bangs and lights. I had a great hallow'een in Liverpool as mystique (see photo!); it was possibly the best night out I've ever had and potentially the most bizarre, risque outfit (barely anything) I've ever risked going out in! It was absolutely worth the 4 hours it took to get ready; if anyone out there is thinking of using liquid latex, let me know if you've any questions.
Sorry this is a short blog today, but it's late and I've a rotten cold and work tomorrow so...until next time :) x

hunting out my business

Evening folks - sorry it has been some time since my last blog.
First things first - Title explanation: I've been following a CF's mobility blog and he comes out with some absolute corker sayings, me and the bf have been having fun quoting him.
Things have not gone so great for me since my last blog. Work persisted in their corporate policy and refused my suggestion so I have replied to say I am out of possible solutions to aid my remaining in my career with them, as I simply cannot afford to live and they won't help me or let me help myself. I've said I'll stay here (L'town) and finish the course but will not enrol onto their degree course and waste their money, unless they had a solution for me. If they didn't, I said I would understand if they felt they had to let me go. It really saddens me that's how my 2nd real job from education has fallen - they say god helps those who help themselves - if that's the case there's no deities in HR. Either way, I cannot hang about hoping some self-inflated concept of ultimate power, or God for that matter, to help me out; in the interim I have been job hunting and applying for anything I could practically do, for money I could practically live on: it's a short term view but my long-term planning hasn't been working out so good. You're just going to have to sweat this one out with me, I'm afraid: work haven't replied in 2 days since I challenged them to fire me for breaching my terms of employment (in legal jargon) - I can't imagine what the hold up is but it's torturing me nevertheless (perhaps that's the goal). I'll let you know after I pick myself up again how it all unfolds.
In other news, I have been having riding lessons (you might've noticed) and I can't stop now: I have so much time to catch up on, so many stirrup-less trots to endure to get my seat back again. The hunger for an equine-child is as strong as it was when I was 10, writing "Christmas List. A Horse. Thank you Santa", which is undoubtedly making the bf nervous.
Taking the short-term view on life, which is so unnatural to me, I am excited and nervous for HALLOW'EEN (or old hallow's eve, if you will) tomorrow night (it's not technically tomorrow night, but that's when we're venturing to the mighty K in our finest). I know for a fact I am not the only person this bothers, but isn't it just infuriating how Hallow'een and Bonfire Night - two of the greatest annual events of the year, are overlooked for possibly one of the most depressing, miserable, grim, gravy-soaked holidays (whom I shall not utter the name of until December)? Anyway, why the nerves you say? I am an ambitious and somewhat wreckless character by nature, call it a rebellion against my otherwise saffy-like personality, and I unwisely endeavoured to do an amazing costume without thoroughly thinking through the difficulties and, well frankly - exposure. I've decided to go as Mystique of X-Men fame. If you don't know, google/bing/search engine of your choice. I will put up a photo when I get one - I imagine something absolutely horrendous will happen and I'll end up exposed to a whole nightclub of happy rockers, but every blue liquid latex outfit has a silver lining - at least it'll make good blogging material.

What are you going out in on all hallow's eve when the veil between the living and the dead is at its most finest?

I'm not homosexual, but...

What I meant to say was homophobic.
So how are we all in October? Enjoying the crisp atmosphere and the promise of Christmas-card scenery or still moaning that the flies have all died on the window sills and that it's not too hot to sleep anymore?
I had a fantastic birthday (see inset of ridiculously hot 27 year old - I've decided to use my age as a way of making my appearance even better: "wow - you look great! you're really 27?" as opposed to "you're only 27? oh, gosh"). A lot more people came than I thought would and there was the added bonus that everyone seemed to get on really well even though noone knew each other :) epic success all round. I danced until my feet throbbed, which is always a sign of a good night.
After the brief, fleeting moment of enjoyment my life remembered itself, readjusted, and became hell again.
In a nutshell (admittedly a big one, like a conker...conkers are nuts, right?) gossip at work happened again and it really acted as the straw on a camel's back. I spoke to my mentor at work and had an offer to lay into the culprit royally, but I chose to do it myself (I quite enjoy assault). Ontop of that, my finances are looking sicker and sicker by the month. We're going to ask for help again from work, but they're making redundancies and they didn't help much last time so I don't fancy my chances: I applied for a new job yesterday too and made a genuine effort in the application, despite it breaking my heart to consider giving up my career I love so much. I'll keep you posted. I just really hate when things get to a point where you can't do anything to help yourself.
In other news, I have hastily compiled an army of vitamin-armoured white blood cells and dispatched them in their droves to fight a rebel coup of viruses. At the moment my troups are well fed and are packing so the odds are on them winning, although currently they have some leg work to go. Until then, as their general, I feel it is vital that I get my beauty sleep so that I look good when it comes to chiselling my statue when we have victory.
Signing out...x

the one in which I have 5 kids...

If you're a regular reader, you'll remember the one in which I aged 10 years in 30 minutes and you'll see where this blog is going.
I don't know why I seem to be getting strangers saying these things to me, apart from that they must genuinely believe that's who I am. I am going to puzzle, and let's face it - obsess, about these snap judgements for a long time.
Today I spent a good 30 minutes in a large popular supermarket, buying lots of treats to make buns and things to take to work (if it's your birthday the cakes are on you - mine isn't until Wednesday, but the guys aren't in then so I'm taking them tomorrow). I went to the bakery section and thought I'd order a few bits just in case my cornflake and rice cake chocolate bun things went horribly wrong (read that: accidentally eaten). I ordered 5 gingerbread biscuit things and a brownie for the bf - the baker said "any colours?" and I said "yeah, doesn't matter" and he replied "you sure? there won't be fights at the other end? at least you get the brownie"
HE THOUGHT I HAD 5 KIDS AND NEEDED A BROWNIE TO GET THROUGH THE DAY.
The nearest thing I have to mothering anything is when I walk the bf's parent's friend's dog (see inset - Me and Molly). I don't know why I look 30-something, married and with 5 kids; maybe it's all the healthy exercise, good diet and avoiding alcohol and smoking that ages me horribly. Maybe the 40-odd core reps I did last night made me look like I'd had 5 kids or the 90-something weighted squats I did tonight made my ass look like I had a brownie a day.
There really is no hope - if you're early twenties or younger, reading this and thinking 30 is miles away! I am always going to look young - I won't look old and wrinkly until my 50's - YOU'RE WRONG.
I am going to smart about this for a long time :/

Sky

So I didn't win the Euromillions jackpot yesterday; no-one did, which was a bit annoying because when it's that much money a rollover is just stupid: it's more money than any one person could ever need or spend.
Fortunately for me, this little grey mare made me feel today like I'd won the lottery. Meet Sky, a pretty grey mare with numb sides and who can pull a disgusted face better than my mum. Our instructor thought we were well suited and I got my first positive feedback when she said today was the best she'd seen Sky go :)
I did have a couple of painful moments today; one when taking my stirrups away, I rolled my leg back and felt my hip sublux and realised that it has done that many times before when I rode my mare and I'd just thought everyone got that. Hell, maybe they do.
The other painful moment came driving in tandem to tescos with the bf to get food for tea and petrol in our cars (no, not the difficulty in driving when your knees won't go together after riding without stirrups); I had a brief and sad little cry for the memory of my beautiful mare.
It was still a brilliant hour, riding Sky though :) and I am proud I rode her well :) It's all coming back to me - every last thing.

Let's play "If I won the lottery"!

Hi guys. I hope you've had a good week so far and have something lined up over the weekend that'll make you smile. Today I heard at work that the Euromillions* is £82,000,000.00 tonight. That's all the encouragement I need to spend a pound on a ticket and I bet I'm not the only one.
So driving home I was daydreaming about what I'd do with the £82M. Here's what came to mind...
> The first thing I'd do is book a first class ticket to Australia for my mum. Then I'd call her and tell her to quit her job and pack her bags. My mum has a close relative in Aus that she really needs to be with and I would want to help as soon as possible.
> The second thing I'd do is advertise for a live-in carer for my sister - I imagined interviewing them and they'd be a young friendly woman that my sis really liked. Then I'd work with the sis to find the perfect house wherever she wanted to live and we'd do the whole place over to make it super well suited to her every whim. I'd get a car that suited her and the carer could take her to appointments. She'd have an art studio and anything she needed medically. We'd work together to get her some stuff to make her life much rosier, and some treats too - that's where that one gets vague as I'd have to ask her!
> I thought what I'd do for the other sister - but she seems to have everything. Perhaps bank accounts for the nieces? I'd have to ask.
> and finally on to me. What'd I do? Well, I'd not tell anyone for a start. No-one at work; which leads me on to: I'd keep my crappy low-paid high-workload job. I know you don't believe me but I really would - I love my job and the challenge. I'd need to know I could make it on my own still; I'd still need a reason to wake in a morning; I'd not want to become spoilt - I'd still get up at 5.30am to go to Walsall for a 3-hour meeting and spend weeks in dodgy student accommodation in Liverpool.
> There's a plus side to not telling anyone at work - I can buy a stunning f-off mustang and drive it on weekends and carry on in our little Clio at work like a superhero with an alter-ego.
> I'd buy a little house near work (with a big garage) and a bigger house further out into the countryside. I'd stay near work when I was in the office and in the big house on weekends or holidays or whenever.
> which leads me neatly onto my friend - I'd invite Sammy to come and live with me in one of the houses free of charge so she could find a job and save up and we'd have a great time :)
> I'd also pay off all my debts - that'd feel amazing!
> I'd get a horse and 2 jack russells. And a Land Rover Defender for the stables. I'd keep my horse at the stables I ride at now so I could have lessons and work on dressage together.
> I'd be able to shop in All Saints! :D That'd be amazing. And I'd get my hair done more often instead of waiting 6 months, trimming split ends with kitchen scissors because I can't afford to get it cut. And each year I'd plan an amazing holiday somewhere different each time :)

Ah, I love this game. Most of the things I want are for other people - at least, those are my first wants. With £82M I'd barely have enough time to get through everything I'd want to do for everyone. I'd be busy as hell but man alive, I'd enjoy it.

What'd you do if you won?

* http://www.national-lottery.co.uk/player/p/lotterydrawgames/euromillions.ftl

Do I look like a CHUMP?

Today has not been a good day! First I had a huge 4x4 driven by a stoney-faced 50-something man almost bump me off the road by driving well over 50mph through my 30mph village, then I had some stumpy, ugly stocky bitch push in front of me at the supermarket, who said (when I pointed out I was already queing) "I'm sorry, I don't think so". The other day, me and the bf were stood behind a man at a cash point and another man walked up and stood nearby too; then when the first man finished at the cash point, walked in and took our place! As ignorant and arrogant as that! The bf, who is incredibly genteel, just said it was OK: I walked away in fury to another cash point around the corner and said I had to otherwise I'd have started a fight.
There must be something about me that says "this girl is a pushover"; I am not a pushover! I AM NOT A CHUMP! And the next person who is so arrogant, obnoxious and plain selfish is going to find out I am not above punching someone, either! >:\

I think what really gets to me is these ugly (inside and out) people are parading around with a self-inflated ego and obtuse level of self importance, when I am shuffling about apologetically feeling inferior.

If I had my own horse again, I'd trample them all; the photo inset to this angry blog is Froggy a French endurance arab, making me feel just a little empowered again. Thanks, Froggy x

get back on the horse

Not a lot of people know the real origin of that phrase; it isn't too difficult to decipher, but until it's relevant to you literally, you won't really know how good a piece of advice it actually is. You see, when you fall off a horse badly (and badly can mean injured, shocked, traumatised or just surprised but unbruised) it is imperative that the first thing you do is jump right back on again; any hesitation whatsoever can let in fear and doubt. If you jump right back on, it seems to breeze past the realisation of your morality and gets you back to the job at hand. Until you're covered in mud and blood, shaking and gripping stiff leather reins with a fired up animal on the end of them, you just don't know how difficult it is to convince your jelly-like body that the best thing for it is to return to the saddle that evicted it so cruelly. The worst part is the confidence and sensation of safety being on a horse gave you vanishes immediately.
So - why get back on the horse? Why is it so urgent? Because if you don't do it now, when the tears are threatening and your limbs are aching, you never will.
I put down my beautiful, stunning mare almost 4 years ago now and since then I could count the number of times I've ridden on one hand (this coming from someone who has ridden weekly at a bare minimum for 20 years). Losing Buttie was the most painful thing I have had to endure (and that's not to make light of the rest). I rode last weekend on Sunday; the bf has got me a few lessons as a present. I rode the delectable Tosca [see inset] with willing spirit and weak flesh.

It was the single most wonderful thing I have done in 4 years: it was the single most painful thing I've done in 4 years.

As I type, I have to confess, I am biting back tears of recollection. Time doesn't heal pain and loss, it merely allows you to forgive yourself for not mourning it repeatedly. I wish I had had the time and money to continue riding, because every time I do (that handful of times) I remember her and miss her as freshly as the day she died.

So that is why you always get back on the horse; because the longer you leave it the harder it becomes.

sugar is NOT my friend

So a while back I blogged to you about my NO SUGAR CHALLENGE (I feel the need to add a little gravitas to the title) and I managed to keep that up for months and this weekend I fell off the wagon. Hard. The absolute crap it has made me feel like has inspired me to write a little bit about why sugar is so bad and why I should start the NO SUGAR CHALLENGE MONTH again from tomorrow (last time it started as a month and then just carried on; I like this method as indefinitely just seems too much but at the end of a month your eating habits have just changed - it's all psychological). First things first - I forgive myself for munching those sugary treats this weekend; I am considering it a break from sanity and healthy eating!

The thing that I was most asked about, when I mentioned the NO SUGAR CHALLENGE in the blog discussion wall coffee shop thingy, was how do I avoid sugar. Most people, if not all, considered it completely impossible - so let me briefly explain how I avoid sugar.
1) I eat fresh fruit and veg (a bit of a cliche these days) wherever possible
2) I exchange sugary items with no-sugar alternatives (beware of "low fat" anything - usually they're loaded with sugar); my example of this is switching my soya milk for light soya milk, which has no sugar
3) When I have items of processed food, such as cereal, I eat completely sugar free such as rice puffs by rude foods instead of rice krispies.
4) Snacks, which I have between every meal, are usually cashew nuts (just a few) or some fruit (apple, banana, a smoothie - fruit sugars are essential!)
- and a new rule I have added after this weekend -
5) avoid bakeries at all costs

Motivation for why it's a good idea to cut out processed sugars can be found in all the reasons why sugar is bad for you...

1) Sugar is calories - fat in the human body is laid down from sugar intake, and not from fat intake.
2) Sugar in any quantity alters your blood sugar levels and causes your glands to work overtime to balance this out; sugar highs inevitably lead to sugar lows; these lows make you feel hungry when you're not and, in the case of me this weekend, cause you to visibly shake!
3) Sugar is addictive; once I've munched a little bit I have to have more. I don't know any other food that has that effect on me.
4) There are a wide variety of sweeteners in foods these days, none of which am I using as alternatives to sugar - sweeteners such as Aspertame (originally labelled as a poison until someone noticed how sweet it tasted) are hideously bad for you! (online search it).
5) The human body's urge for sugar comes from the necessity for Vitamin C; fruits have known this for a long time which is why they have lovely natural sugars to attract us to eating them. Our sweet tooth is really a craving for vitamins!
6) I have already gone without sugar for a few months and felt amazing. My energy levels were balanced and my diet was healthier. My body became leaner and my sometimes tetchy stomach was much happier.

I think those are pretty good reasons to try the NO SUGAR CHALLENGE for a month. Roll on tomorrow, I know I can do this again! :)

meet Babs

So I've been writing this blog for a few months now and the last couple of blogs have been a little aimless and random - which has kind of been where my head has been at but in my recent revamp of the blog (what do you think?) and creation of a new blog (http://bricksandheels.blogspot.com) I've been inspired again on a couple of topics for this page - my online diary.

Today's blog is about BABS. Babs, as you can see from this photo of her at my 2nd graduation (1 more to come and then I'm DONE, I swear) is one classy lady. She's my mum, and she is such a brilliant character. I am currently staying at her flat in the southeast for a couple of days for a recluse and to fill her fridge for her return.
She wasn't the textbook supernannyesque type mother (I remember her saying to us when I was about 5, in a put-on 'Queen's English' accent, "In the words of Elizabeth Taylor, Bugger Orf") and she never did have the most patience (My sister Emma once refused to eat her sandwich and Babs stabbed her finger into it on every syllable of "you-will-eat-this-bloody-sandwich" and then burst out laughing when Emma relied, in a deadpan tone: "well I'm not eating it now"
But she's done some above-and-beyond things for us girls. She's wicked, dry, hilarious, so sarcastic most southerners read it as just bitter, generous, loving, strong,...but the thing that strikes me so much about her is she's human.
I love Babs, almost as much as Joe does (http://mastdebater87.blogspot.com).

I want more strings

There's a few things I really wish I could do and I think if I list them here I might actually start working towards them: playing guitar ~ play piano ~ knit ~ sew ~ get onto pointe in ballet ~ draw again ~ some kind of yoga-stretching-relaxing thing :)

Frankie says R.E.L.A.X

The photo today is of me and Orah - because I think me and this beautiful dog have something in common (sadly not looks or physique!) - we are both quite outwardly calm looking but dealing with tension in self-destructive ways. Orah is a rescue dog my sister has bravely taken on alongside her young family, and she licks patches of her fur off when left alone. This physical manifestation is an indicator of her inner stress and discomfort. Hopefully she will settle into a loving and structured family unit with my sister's family and this will gradually stop (that, or my sister's smearing disgusting-tasting antibacterial cream on the patches will do it!).
My problems are not so easy - or maybe they are. I am on the look out for stress-beating techniques. The amazing bf is planning on clearing out the roof room as a stress-free zone for me to escape to: I've asked for a yoga matt to meditate (who am I kidding - I might do stretches though). I'm not sure what I am going to do, really - I am popping to mum's tomorrow night after work to spend a day relaxing and maybe working out/seeing my nieces (and possibly Orah too). Then it's back to Bristol to spend Saturday walking 3 gruffs on the beach for our 2 year anniversary. Hopefully those things will help me calm down. The only reason I am looking for ways to relax and calm down because I went to the Dr's again today with my battle with my stomach and she took one look at me and said:

"you need to calm down"

BRISTOL, England

I was driving through Bristol today and it struck me, not for the first time, how much I utterly love Bristol. Here's my list of things I love about Bristol: blue and pink stripes ~ the downs ~ graffiti on Georgian houses ~ water views ~ SS Great Britain ~ toffs ~ fluffy swept over hair ~ pajama-like pants ~ banksy ~ hills ~ university life ~ clifton life ~ POD ~ the Grange ~ Audis ~ Ferraris ~ bars ~ Rahs ~ runners ~ borders...ah, smiles...

The day I aged 10 years in 30 minutes

Jessie at the cricket [photo]
I was in a Dr's waiting room last week; my stomach has been playing merry hell with the stress I've been unsuccessfully dealing with. I saw this guy a mile off: a man in an electronic wheelchair had just managed to break free from his relentless, pointless ramblings and had made off at speed through the automatic doors into sweet freedom. I envied that man, at that moment, as I desperately tried to will myself invisible.
He sat opposite me and as his head turned I realised even if I were a chameleon and had managed to turn myself the primary-school blue of the plastic chair I was sat on it wouldn't have made the tiniest difference: he had the thickest glasses I have ever seen on, which magnified his eyes threefold. This was not a sight for the weak-willed, sensitively-disposed or those struggling with stress with an unpredictable stomach.
I honestly believe these type of patients should be sat in a different area, away from people with stress, depression, or young children.
He started talking; I read my phone. I refused to be sucked into those giant lenses. I texted everyone I knew: come on, ya bastards, reply. He carried on talking: "I'm thinking of going to France this year, I say going - I probably won't. Well, you don't do you: you say you're going to but then you don't. Still, it'd be good to get away". At this point I swallowed my tongue. Yes, it'd be bloody good to get away.
I started reading posters on the wall: incontinence, migraines, testicular cancer: I was riveted.
He didn't stop, I couldn't keep letting him talk to my ear, besides a young fat girl was judging me for being rude (fair enough, I was judging her too) "I've read the Bible have you read the Bible? (I nod, stunned by the goggles) It's a long book. I read the Ten Commandments - it took me ages" But how, with those thick glasses surely you could read not only the fine print but God's thoughts right out of his mind. "I got a Bible with pictures, you know - gave it to my sister. I think I'll buy her a new one this year" (nod) WHY would you buy someone the same present twice? I excused myself to ask the receptionist if there was some delay: my Dr was running late but I was assured I was next. There was no escaping the lenses, I had to go back - but I was buoyed by the fact soon I would be as free as the disabled man before me. I sat down.
"Are you married?" Not a question I could nod to "no" "oh - you look like you'd be married" - I was transfixed. Those milk bottle ends had me: "why's that?" "well you know your age" There was that laugh again; somewhere between a mocking snort and a nervous giggle. I was surprised; no-one has ever said I look married before and I was, I'll admit without any shame, curious. "how old do you think I am?"

You see, this is the point where I went wrong. Never, under any circumstances, it doesn't matter if he's talking to you relentlessly and you feel hideously rude ignoring him or none of your friends who are usually completely reliable in texting you back -don't, nor does it matter that the fat girl is judging you or that you've ran out of pages in the tatty cheap magazine: there is no situation when engaging in conversation with crazy people is a good idea. Ever.

"In your thirties". I was horrified and would've needed oscar-level acting skills to hide it, which I do not have. I rallied with "probably just tired" to which he replied, laughing "yeh".

It's just possible I'll never get that supe'd up gaze out of my head; I'll forever be haunted by that super-charged magnified vision staring straight into every pore and crease in my face. Crazy or not; the man had the hubble telescope strapped to his face and if he says I look ten years older then I believe him.

I had aged 10 years in 30 minutes, but I had a pretty good idea why.

Day 4 of 7

So this is Day 4 of 7 days my Dr signed me off work for stress and I feel, yep, more stressed out than I did when I had a mini-breakdown in the Dr's office. I knew being off work would stress me out, I argued it would. I am going to my mums's on Sunday afternoon and I imagine that'll help. I feel like I have the worst case of cabin fever anyone has ever had without hospitalisation.
I'm not sure what to do with myself and that makes me more stressed. I think I need to get out and about. I think I will up my workouts (even though my body is aching like hell today from the last 2 days helping the bf train for his cricket debut on Sunday).
I did cheer myself slightly yesterday when we went shopping and I got myself a swimming float and some nice workout pants at the sports shop and 3 really beautiful tops from this amazing store on Clifton Triangle that was having a sale. Let the money worries stress me later...
In a mystery move this morning I received a call from my dad at 7.15am which I returned (I was asleep then) but just got answerphone. 3rd call since I was 16 (but who's counting?) so I am perplexed and a little tense it won't be a howdya do type call.
In other news, quite literally, I've started another blog writing satire about local news stories from across the country - you can check it out at http://eobservatory.blogspot.com
I might be biased, but I think it's pretty funny.
I wanted to send out a massive props to my wonder-sister Emma for her stall this year; I really want to go next year, it looks really good fun.
I should also note that the nieces are now writing more legibly than some fully-formed people and have also defied the laws of physics (so proud) and have magically created a living dog from a stuffed toy - true story, just ask Beth.

Simple Star 2010

http://www.simple.co.uk/simple-stars/elliebear.aspx

So today my Dr signed me off for a week from work for stress-related illness. I don't even know where to start in coping or organising my thoughts on the vast list of things which are making my stomach do what it is, but I suppose I have the next 6 days to mull it over. There's nothing like crying on a GP to make you feel embarrassed.

I won't bore you with what's wrong; just know it goes from health issues to money problems and everything in between.

Anyway! I don't like to wallow, and to that end I have entered a competition to win a cool holiday (much needed) and a salaried role (incredibly needed) and this is where you come in - I need your votes (badly)! Please go to the address above and click VOTE FOR THIS STAR and I will be eternally grateful :) I plan on writing a half-decent blog soon...x